Updated please forward this to anyone who could be vulnerable to sexual predators at work

Melisa Thompson isn’t doing anything wrong, but Weinstein’s behaviour has red flags – please use them to upskill vulnerable workers.

Please watch the footage – if you spot any flags not listed please, let me know – janeperri@outlook.com – and I’ll update.

Red flags

Weinstein has met Melisa once before, but this is their first formal meeting. Melisa is expecting a meeting with Weinstein AND his marketing team; Weinstein arrives alone and locks the door (1). As he locks the door, he says loudly, “Don’t interrupt” – for Melisa’s ‘benefit’ so that she will think his locking the door is legitimate. A target of this should use any excuse to have that door unlocked – “I promised my Dad I would never be in a locked room with a man where there is a power differential – you must concede, Mr. Weinstein, there is a power differential.” (Get the door to your escape route open and sit near it. Also, this in itself sets down a strong boundary.)

MT goes for a handshake – Harvey knocks her hand away and hugs her instead – rubbing her back. (2) A target may have to get physical here, acting shocked and pulling away.

HW: That’s nice; let’s keep it up…. Am I allowed to flirt with you? (3) This is where the manipulation starts in earnest – potentially, he’ll be able to say, “I did ask if I could flirt with you?” – so trying to transfer the blame if she complies here but complains later.

MT: Hmm, we’ll see, a little bit.

HW: A little bit, not much, right? Then all right, I won’t. So what you’d want? (4) So here, Weinstein manipulates Melisa, putting her on the back foot by implying that he may not do business with her if she keeps that boundary up. The way that he says, “So what you’d want?” is colder than anything he has said to her before.

(Melisa trying to ‘save’ the meeting)

MT: No…it’s okay – Weinstein knows precisely what he is doing, and here he has manipulated Melisa into conceding that he can ‘flirt’ with her.

Melisa talks about the pitch. Harvey tries to normalize what he is doing and what Melisa might get if she complies.

Weinstein appears to be touching Melissa under the table (5). Melisa says his hand kept moving up her dress. This is physical, sexual assault that must be evaded physically if necessary, starting with a very assertive ‘No’ and then escalating as necessary. Shocked, sometimes women freeze – that’s exactly what the predator wants. Practice what you would do in this circumstance – you need to know before it happens so you won’t be as shocked when it does!

HW: You just tell me what I can do and when it’s going to happen (6). There is only one answer to this – “We are going to focus on the pitch, please don’t waste of my time.”

Harvey leans in closer (7) a target should aim to create distance between them by whatever means – sitting opposite rather than by his side is always a good idea.

HW: It’s fun when we do this, but I’m actually, seriously having a conversation with you (8) I’m more likely to take you seriously if you allow me to grope you – when in reality precisely the opposite is true – men don’t grope women they respect. Repeat (6)

MT: Okay, good, we can do both. He’s getting verbal compliance and so potentially transferring blame. This is a repeated pattern to 3 & 4 manipulating her to concede – as much in her own mind as anywhere else. He is trying to establish that she concedes to his control of what will happen – a prelude to rape.

Melisa demonstrates the app. Harvey underlines the power he has

HW: Wow… Okay, I’m going to use your service, and then you know you can sign me up, tell your boss (9) Promises, promises – I’ll bet he didn’t use her app. Interestingly, he thinks she has a boss. I believe the app is hers? He is pulling the biggest trigger he has here – Miramax will use her app! I bet they didn’t.

Melisa jocularly pushes Weinstein, trying to regain control but in a celebratory mode

MT: Data’s hot

HW: It is hot. You’re hot…Let me have a little bit of you, give it to me. It’s okay. Would you like me to do it some more? (10). Sexual assault in progress! One for which he tries repeatedly to get her consent. It’s not a huge leap to his saying “You’re loving this.”

MT: A little bit. Uhuh, that’s a little high, that’s a little high

Melisa goes back to explaining the app. Weinstein is more interested in rubbing Melissa’s back, sizing her up (11). This is when targets shut down, ignore what is happening to them, and try just to get through the meeting.

Melisa tells the interviewer (Sky’s Hannah Thomas-Peter) what she was thinking at the time,

“What do I do? How did I get myself here?” Self-reproach that isn’t appropriate – there is only one driver in this, and it’s Weinstein.

Weinstein goes to the kitchen to get water; Melisa follows him turning her computer towards the kitchen as she goes, explaining to Sky’s Hannah Thomas-Peter that she does this because she is now afraid of Weinstein.

HW: I’ve got to go edit a movie – emphasizing his importance again, but I’ll meet you somewhere. Meet you for a drink.

MT: What time?

HW: It’s 3.34; I’ll meet you at 5.30 at TriBeCa Grand?

MT: Okay

Melisa thinks that the meeting is to close the deal.

She goes alone (12). A target should take the imaginary boss (a male friend) with her to the hotel, which she says feels safer than being alone with him in his office. Weinstein arrives, telling Melisa to follow him; she thinks it’s to a conference room, but it isn’t; it’s to his bedroom, where she says he raped her. Weinstein’s hotel room was a suite of rooms that was his usual place of business.

Melisa Thompson did nothing wrong – she acted the same way hundreds of young women reacted when cornered by the master manipulator that was Weinstein. I think I wasn’t ever successfully sexually harassed because, by chance, I had to put up a boundary in school when a gang tried to get me to strip. I said the single most important word in anti-harassment/bullying I said “NO,” and fled. What this meant was, as an adult, if anyone tried to sexually harass me, my response was automatically aggressive. Not one of the men complained about my aggression because they knew what they were doing was wrong. That boundary served me well; I want you to have established such a boundary and practiced your responses in front of a mirror – as firefighters say, “We drill for skill so that we don’t regress under stress,” and if you are dealing with a sexual harasser you will be very stressed.

I want as many people as possible to know what they will do in the above circumstances so their reactions are automatic, appropriate, and effective. Please forward this to anyone who might benefit from it. We can save so much grief if we learn from these extraordinary women.

Since writing about the above I have learned of more ways in which sexual harassers groom; see the full list to date below with how I might respond; please adapt as you think fit:

1. The perpetrator tests the ground with sexual jokes and or discriminatory statements: No that’s not appreciate
2. The perpetrator talks about someone they’ve been attracted to; this becomes more explicit the longer they are allowed to continue. There’s a name for those who pleasure themselves in public, you know!
3. The perpetrator gives sexualized compliments. I’m not interested in what you think of my body.
4. The perpetrator implies that keeping them happy is part of the target’s role. Sure, when you make the request in writing!
5. The perpetrator points out the positive and negative effects they could have on the target’s career. My ambition is to get ahead on merit. The perpetrator will turn their charm on and off according to the target’s compliance. I’d call them out on each example of this – on what grounds are you being…?
6. The perpetrator tricks the target into showing more flesh by, for example, dropping something for the target to pick up. I wouldn’t physically compile. I’ve always worn trousers to work.
7. The perpetrator will increasingly encroach on the target’s personal space. Perhaps starting with hugs that are over-encroaching and or being handsy. No, I’m NOT comfortable with that and moving if necessary.
8. Perpetrators can use alcohol and or drugs to lower the target’s inhibitions. Don’t drink with people you don’t know that you can trust and or know your limits physically with alcohol. How many glasses of wine can you drink and trust yourself to get home safely?
9. The perpetrator will try to get the target’s agreement to some of the perpetrator’s behaviours so they can use that to broach further boundaries and or to defend their behaviour if necessary. Know what your boundaries are physically and psychologically and how you are going to enforce them.
10. The perpetrator says something quietly to the target, quiet enough so that no one else can hear. It will be sexually explicit – “I would love to rape you”– the intention is to shock; how will this target react? Would you like to say that again loud enough so everyone can hear? No? I didn’t think you would. Never speak to me like that again. This makes the point and warns everyone else.
11. Try to dictate your behaviour – “Get your coat you’ve pulled” – my response to this always started with an F and end with an F!
12. Accuse you of being nasty – nice girls are vulnerable to this one. I was a nice girl once! I was filming in Northern Ireland back before the Good Friday agreement, and a complete asshole invited some ‘rebels’ to the pub in which some of us were staying. A young IRA man sat next to me. When I didn’t engage, he tried, “All you rude English bitches are the same.” I got up and left. Had he not been IRA, I would have probably tipped my drink over his head. If a man is rude to you early on, he’s not going to improve with time!
13. Some men use sarcasm/ claim irony to get away with being unpleasant. Always remember jokes are supposed to be funny.
14. Predators of any type often rely on shock; when it comes, their attack will shock—either it’s the last thing the target expected as the offender was so nice, so well respected, etc., or it’s the last thing the target expected. It would be great if your response prevented them from ever trying it again.
15. Beware charisma – I always wonder why did this person put so much effort into becoming charismatic.

#EndSexualHarassment #WiseUpOurGirls #weinstein #sexualharassment