A union member complained to me that their manager was always short with them when they asked a question. Considering that part of their job entailed asking this manager questions, it was becoming a big irritant. I suggested using: “I have asked you a perfectly reasonable question, to which I should be entitled to a perfectly reasonable response.”
It worked. The manager called them into their office for a non-apology, which my member didn’t care about. They didn’t care if this manager was sorry; they wanted a change in behaviour, and they got it. The manager was careful to be respectful in the future.
Being treated with respect isn’t a privilege: it should be standard. Unfortunately, there are people who need to be taught to behave respectfully toward everyone.
Another version of this is for snappy managers: “Snapping at me won’t get you what you want any quicker. Calmly explaining what is wrong with what I’ve provided could.”
By definition, all adults should be able to manage their behaviour appropriately. If they can’t, you are entitled to protect yourself. A disrespectful manager is not something you just have to live with. Let me show you how to protect yourself from abusive behaviour both inside and outside of the workplace.
A security guard at the BBC demanded ID from a fairly well-known presenter. She responded, “Don’t you know who I am?” and then she complained about the security guard. As BBC Security is provided by an outside company, the BBC requested that the guard be moved to another building. I have had BBC members receive a final written warning for being rude to contractors, but not this presenter. I wonder if it could be that Security is blue-collar and, within the BBC, is therefore not considered as worthy of respect as white-collar contractors?
When Steven Spielberg turned up to work at his company, the security guard demanded the new ID everyone had been given. Steven didn’t have his. The security guard stood firm; he needed to see some ID. They settled for Spielberg’s driving license on this occasion. Spielberg praised the security guard for doing his job. BBC Security guards would be on the front line if there were any physical attack on the BBC or its on-screen talent. That presenter should have remembered that and should have been made to apologise to that security guard.
That first script flip between a member and their snappy manager changed a real workplace relationship. In my online Bully-Proofing workshop, we’ll build calm, polite word-for-word responses for the people you have to deal with. Book your place: https://tinyurl.com/5yjnkjjp
#Respect@Work
