Why have I, the bully-proofing coach, posted about this book more than any other? What is the one thing bullies want more than anything else? Status. Toxic masculinity is about status. Domestic violence, in the control of women, is about status.
If you are professionally involved with the criminal justice system, with social services, or education, if you are a writer who wants to write about toxic relationships credibly, you need to read this book. If you think you know ANYTHING about domestic violence, as I did, or if there are women you care about, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. I’ve only given brief favours – I’m sure you’ll get a lot more from it. I found it so interesting that I read it in one sitting.
You can’t split a toxic relationship up; trying is likely to help an abuser drive a wedge between you and the target. It’s best to let the target know you’ll always be there if they need you.
I’ve known three women in abusive relationships; none were stereotypically vulnerable – any woman can get caught. Jane Monckton Smith’s daughter got caught up in an abusive relationship, so even if you think you don’t need to read this book, you probably do.
“In one now notorious case, a woman found with a head injury in a clear crime scene was said to have died from a heart attack. The pathologist refused to consider the context in which the heart attack had occurred, so the police had no homicide to investigate, despite wanting to. The man who caused the head injury, and potentially the heart attack, went on to kill three more women before he was convicted of murder.” Three women could have been saved had one professional – the pathologist, understood domestic violence.
80 women were killed by a current or ex-partner between April 2018 and March 2019