“There is a theory put forward by criminologists Gresham Sykes and David Matza that says that criminals share the same moral and ethical codes as the rest of society and that criminals are able to excuse and justify what they do when they violate the norms of society. Sykes and Matza call these excuses techniques of neutralisation. These techniques which, broadly speaking, provide justification for wrongdoing, allow people to continue their criminal activities with minimal damage to their sense of self and identity, and mitigate any criticism. This means that they remove responsibility by denying they have hurt anyone, or they claim they were more victimised than their victims. They compare themselves favourably to the people who might accuse them of wrongdoing and align themselves with a code of conduct they share with peers.
…They all, to some extent, blamed their past for their present selves, which takes some responsibility away; they all blamed the victim for provoking them, which also makes the victim take responsibility from them.”
Even those abusers who apologise and swear that it won’t happen again often then advise their target on how to help it not happen again! In short, it never was nor never will be their fault.